Submitting info to my college publication

I have begged my dad for years to submit something to my college magazine that comes out...gosh...I don't know. Monthly, quarterly, ummm....

Anywho, we have one of those alumni sections, but I have always aimed higher. And while I don't think I could get the cover, I do think I could get a nice little write-up.

And still he relents.

Sigh.

So, since I will never be immortalized in the pages of my college alumni publication I can always get the word out here at STFASM. So, without any further adieu:


Dear Publisher of Alumni Magazine of College My Beloved Son Attended,

I am writing to let you know of my son's untimely passing. While it is still hard to even think about the events that led to his demise, his story is one that deserves to be told, and his courage deserves to be commended.

My son was passing an orphanage late one night last week after his regular session of reading to the blind when he picked up the slightest whiff of smoke. He looked around to see a tiny white towel being waved from Our Lady of the Bastard Child Orphanage. Without thinking he stormed into the orphanage just as the flames were about to reach their peak. Unfortunately the stairs were engulfed in flames so he used his swiss army knife to carve out grips for himself in the wall.

Once at the top he fashioned a large slide out of pillows and sheets and started to get the children out. He then went around to each room and made sure that every child was accounted for. When he finally got out one of the children asked him with teary eyes, "What about Bernie and the puppies she just had?"

My son put a hand on his shoulder and told the boy that he would get them. He suffered serious burns as he got the children's dog and all of her puppies, but he smiled brightly as the children gathered around the dogs and sang his name. As he helped to nurse the puppies he heard a tiny sobbing. The sobbing of young Sally Lincoln "What's wrong, dear?" he asked her. She looked up, eyes awash in tears. "My mommy. She died and I only have one picture of her in my room, and now its gone!"

My son looked down at her and said, "Its as gone as this building is fire-proof." Ten minutes later something flew from a window on the top floor. Sally raced forward eagerly and found her cherished picture with a small post-it note on it that read, "stay in school, and always remember to floss." With that the building exploded taking my insanely brave son with it. As they say, the lord only takes the best.

Again, I just wanted to related this little story so that you might update his fellow alumni. His services are being held this weekend. We had to wait as the Vatican has asked to send representatives. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter.


Kindly yours,


Father of BDF



BDF